Valerie Bertinelli Admits She Is 'More Healed' Without Forgiving Her Abuser

Although Valerie Bertinelli has moved on from an abusive relationship with her ex-husband Tom Vitale, she has certainly not forgiven or forgotten her abuser.

Since the estranged couple went their separate ways, Bertinelli has repeatedly taken to social media to open up about Vitale's maltreatment and their toxic marriage. Most recently, she aired her thoughts about forgiveness in abusive relationships, suggesting that people only needed to forgive themselves in such situations, which worked for her as she felt more healed. 

The TV personality is not hiding her beliefs that people can heal and move on without forgiving their abusers as she declares herself living proof. She expressed so via Instagram Threads in response to a user stressing the importance of forgiveness and letting go of "negative emotions" in toxic relationships.

The discussion began with a therapist explaining that one of her "biggest pet peeves" was when people acted like forgiveness was required for healing, which she believed was "a damaging narrative." Bertinelli agreed, saying, "Yes, yes, yes." However, another user contradicted her opinion, writing, "I think people are missing the point with forgiveness and what it means. It's not for the abuser; it's for the victim."

The user continued, "It's not saying it's ok what you did because they probably couldn't care less what you think. It's a release of negative emotions which only cause harm if you hang onto them."

"I respectfully disagree," Bertinelli wrote. "When you've been told you can't heal if you don't forgive ("it's not for THEM, it's for YOU"), it keeps some of us in a mindf–k of thinking 'I'm not good enough, I'm not kind enough' because I can't forgive."    

She added that the only person that needed forgiveness was the victim, which she could relate to as she felt "more healed and full of joy without the weight of forgiveness hanging over my head." Several commenters agreed with the 63-year-old, including one who maintained that "forgiveness is only be given to those who sincerely apologize for their actions and make a genuine effort to change their behavior."

Another supporter opined, "I don't think anyone can tell another how to grieve or when or whether to forgive." A third user then stressed that toxic people who had no value were not worth the effort to forgive. They further pointed out that forgiveness may have to present itself in its own time; still, it would need to happen at some point for the sake of both the abuser and the victim.

 

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Last month, the Delaware native dished on her past toxic relationship when she sent an encouraging message to fellow survivors of narcissistic abuse. She took to her Instagram Story with a reel from The Rising Wonder Woman's feed featuring a message claiming actual narcissistic abuse survivors were not depressed.

The post asserted that such victims needed about 2-3 years to "regulate their nervous system." Bertinelli was of a similar opinion as she penned a comforting note that read, "Keep doing your internal work. It's so beautiful on the other side!" 

A few months following Bertinelli's divorce from Vitale, she showed no intentions of getting romantically involved with anyone, considering her harrowing experience in her second marriage. Using a TikTok video with the soundtrack "Two Moons" by BoyWithUke, the "Touched by an Angel" actress made the revelation, and fans wasted no time rooting for her. 

Parts of the clip featured the statement: "When someone asks if I'll start dating soon." In response, the food enthusiast paused for a moment before lip-synching, "Yeah, f–k no." 

In the comments section, an admirer voiced their support for Bertinelli to enjoy her life and do without men, while another stated that they "couldn't agree more."

One more fan remarked, "D. I. T. T. O. ???" before another described her declaration as "FREEDOM!!"  This came after the SAG Awards nominee sent a message of hope on Instagram using a video of herself saying, "No matter how bad the storm is, when that blue sky comes out and you kind of break through the crap, it's so beautiful."

She believed that that made the storm worth it because "you learn so much" and come out feeling self-confident to have gotten through it.