After Drew Barrymore‘s recent interview with Vulture where she talks openly about her relationship with her mother, everyone seems to be sharing their thoughts. For the most part, it seems there are so many people who can relate to a toxic relationship with a parent, and I’m definitely one of them.
This shouldn’t come as a shock to anyone but not everyone has an unconditionally loving, supportive, caring parent growing up. If that shocks you, I suppose you are one of the lucky ones who had a parent like that. When I read what Barrymore said about her relationship with her mom, I felt complete empathy for her, and I also felt less alone knowing where my relationship with my mother is today.
I Have No Communication With My Mother And That’s Okay!
It’s been nine years since my mother and I have spoken. She ultimately made the decision to stop talking, but it was something I thought about for a long time. It turned out to be one of the biggest blessings of my adult life. For years, I knew the day would eventually come, and when it did, I was ready for a less judgmental existence.
One thing I hate is when someone asks me about my mother and since I won’t blatantly lie to anyone, I’ll simply say we no longer have a relationship, and the response is sometimes judgmental. I can’t count how many times I’ve heard, “But she’s your mother,” or “You two should just hug it out.” Valid advice (can you sense my sarcasm?)
During Barrymore‘s interview when talking about the noise from her neighbors, she told Vulture, “All their moms are gone, and my mom’s not. And I’m like, Well, I don’t have that luxury. But I cannot wait. I don’t want to live in a state where I wish someone to be gone sooner than they’re meant to be so I can grow. I actually want her to be happy and thrive and be healthy. But I have to f***ing grow in spite of her being on this planet.”
Now, I’m just giving my opinion here, but I think that people who have loving, amazing relationships with their parents could have read that the way it was written and thought it was harsh to say. But people who have dealt with toxic parents probably read it the way she meant it. (Again, I’m not speaking for anyone, I’m just explaining how I’m perceiving this.)
I didn’t read what Barrymore said as she wishes her mother harm. I read that as she wants the freedom to not feel the way she does and to heal without the looming reminders of her childhood trauma. Or maybe, she was speaking through some intense emotions and was caught in that moment. Who hasn’t been in that position before?
Then Barrymore later said, “I dared to say it, and I didn’t feel good. I do care. I’ll never not care. I don’t know if I’ve ever known how to fully guard, close off, not feel, build the wall up.”
This is further proof to me that it’s possible to care about someone who’s hurt you over and over and not want to be an active part of their life, and still not wish them any harm. While I wish things were different between me and my mother, I fully accept that this is way it has to be, and I don’t wish any harm to her. I wish her well.
Drew Barrymore Shared A Video On TikTok Explaining She Doesn’t Wish Her Mother Was Dead
Barrymore took to TikTok to clear up the confusion that many seemed to have about what she said. Many felt she was wishing death on her mother, but anyone who’s been in her shoes understood that’s not at all what she was trying to get across with what she said.
@drewbarrymoreTO ALL YOU TABLOIDS♬ original sound – Drew Barrymore
The comment section of her video was filled with support, understanding and love.
“So many of us out here feel the same, you shouldn’t have to explain these things❤️,” one person wrote. Another added, “I can relate to this more than you could imagine. I understand exactly what you’re saying… I wish neither of us felt this way 💔.”
Another follower could also relate. “All my love and hugs to you!!! My mom and I are going through the exact same thing with my grandmother right now. You are not alone, beautiful soul 🥰.”
Why Was It More Widely Accepted When Jennette McCurdy Told Her Story And Titled Her Book, “I’m Glad My Mom Died”?
All of this uproar over what Barrymore said during her interview makes me wonder why it was way more accepted when Jennette McCurdy wrote an entire book about her childhood trauma and how her mother treated her. She even named her book, “I’m Glad My Mom Died” and it doesn’t seem like anyone batted an eye over that.
I actually bought her book and while I’m still reading it, I LOVE it. I feel much less alone than before. And hearing Barrymore talk about her mother and their relationship makes me feel even more less alone.
Talking so openly about trauma and healing is so important for so many reasons. When you feel less alone, you are more open to really digging deep to accepting all that’s happened and to begin to really truly heal.
I commend both Barrymore and McCurdy for being so transparent and saying the things that so many of us were scared to speak up about for so long. And talking openly and honestly about these types of things is really therapeutic and helps the healing process along.
As for all the people who don’t understand speaking openly about past trauma, be grateful you don’t understand firsthand and don’t judge how others speak about their experiences and feelings, including famous people with a big platform.