Emily Ratajkowski is opening up like never before about the emotional fallout of her divorce, her fears surrounding single motherhood, and the dating phase that followed, which she now describes as an intentional reinvention of herself.

In a candid new essay, the model and actress reflected on the collapse of her marriage to ex-husband Sebastian Bear-McClard and the whirlwind romantic chapter that followed, during which she was linked to everyone from Harry Styles and Pete Davidson to DJ Orazio Rispo and Eric Andre.

Emily Ratajkowski also made a shocking confession about her sex life following the split, admitting she set out to transform herself after years of trying to fit into what she believed men wanted.

Emily Ratajkowski Reflects On The End Of Her Marriage

Ratajkowski and Bear-McClard tied the knot during a courthouse wedding in 2018 and welcomed son Sylvester Apollo Bear in March 2021. But according to the 35-year-old, cracks in the relationship began appearing shortly after becoming parents.

In the essay for The Cut, she wrote that “in a time period that felt both instant and excruciatingly slow, my marriage collapsed. Six months after my son was born, my husband and I stopped having sex. Less than a year later, we separated.”

The pair officially split in 2022 amid rumors surrounding Bear-McClard’s alleged infidelity. Ratajkowski appeared to fuel speculation herself after reportedly liking a tweet that read, “can’t believe that little b-tch cheated on emrata.”

Bear-McClard, a film producer known for collaborating with the Safdie brothers and producing projects including “Uncut Gems,” later found himself facing controversy of his own. In March 2023, reports surfaced that he had faced “grooming” allegations and was fired from the Safdie brothers’ production company, Elara Pictures.

At the same time, he was reportedly navigating mediation with the Safdies, in addition to divorce proceedings and a custody battle with Ratajkowski.

Ratajkowski Says She Hated Being Pitied After Her Divorce

While navigating the public unraveling of her marriage, Ratajkowski admitted one of the hardest parts was how people viewed her after the breakup.

“I hated the condescending way people looked at me in the wake of my breakup. Their furrowed brows, the pity in their faces as they delivered an ‘I’m so sorry, Emily,’” she confessed. “I couldn’t stand my pathetic reflection in their eyes. They saw me as someone who was unwanted, who had been left. A reject with the burden of a needy, hungry, two-foot-tall sidekick.”

The actress revealed she had long feared becoming a “single mom,” writing that the idea had terrified her since childhood because she associated it with having “no freedom, no choices, no emergency exit.” But when she unexpectedly found herself living the reality she once feared, Ratajkowski said she reinvented herself into someone entirely different.

Emily Ratajkowski Admits She Wanted To Replace The ‘Madonna’ With A ‘Wh-re’

Following her split, Ratajkowski entered what she described as a period of “compulsively dating,” adopting what she framed as a villain-like persona in an effort to regain control.

“The character I’d learned to embody after my divorce, in my period of compulsively dating, was a villain: Poison Ivy. Catwoman. Sexual but scary. And she drank gin martinis. Many, many gin martinis,” she wrote. “She was not tragic. Nothing close to a victim. No one needed to feel sorry for her. In fact, they should all be jealous.”

The “I Feel Pretty” actress admitted her post-divorce phase marked a dramatic departure from how she previously approached relationships. Before her marriage ended, she said she had only slept with “eight people,” all of whom she was “pretty sure would fall in love with me, because I wanted to feel precious.”

She reflected on long-held beliefs surrounding relationships and intimacy, explaining she once believed men “didn’t fall in love with, want forever with, raise babies with, or take care of sl-ts.”

Eventually, however, she said she decided to embrace an entirely different version of herself. “I decided to f-ck my way into a new kind of woman. I wanted to destroy the Madonna, the special girl I’d worked so hard to be before an eight-pound baby had torn my v-gina in two, and replace her with the wh-re,” Ratajkowski wrote.

Ratajkowski Shares Explicit Details About Her Dating Life

The model also offered readers an unfiltered look into her dating experiences following the divorce, including one particularly explicit encounter with a man she described as having a “nasally stoner voice” and wearing “bright hoodies” with “obnoxious gold jewelry” that made him resemble a “walking, talking Myspace page.”

After returning to his apartment, Ratajkowski admitted she “found myself on my knees in front of him” and felt “especially satisfied by his expression when he looked down at me.” “He couldn’t believe I was putting his d-ck in my mouth. He told me I looked like Cleopatra when I gave head. I’d found everything I’d come there for, a praying mantis devouring her mate,” she wrote.

Her first post-divorce date, however, apparently went far less smoothly. According to Ratajkowski, she went out with a sober DJ who lived near what had once been her marital home. She claimed the man bizarrely opened the date by explaining incest “actually runs in my family,” before sharing a story involving his mother and sister walking in on him masturbating to p-rn he described as “some sibling sh-t.”

“That was my introduction to the dating scene. I didn’t f-ck him, okay?” she wrote, later acknowledging he was “an anomaly.”

Emily Ratajkowski Reveals Surprising Discovery About Men After Becoming A Mom

She also described one fling with an “Elder Millennial” her friends called “ugly,” explaining she tolerated his “dirty talk” because she enjoyed the confidence boost of being wanted more than she wanted him.

Ratajkowski further revealed that she came to believe “many men are turned on by motherhood” because they had “experienced the loneliness that comes with years of selfishness” and were “attracted” to “self-sacrifice.”

“Did they want me as their mommy? Maybe,” she added.

Now, through her essay, Ratajkowski appears to finally be reclaiming the narrative around one of the most scrutinized chapters of her personal life.