Billie Eilish Admits She's 'Ashamed' Of Her Past Self

Billie Eilish is facing her demons head on and is letting her fans know that she is “ashamed” of the person she once was.

The 19-year-old singer has been in the spotlight  since her early teen years, and a lot in her life has changed since her career began.

Namely her superstar status!

In the handful of years Billie has been performing, she’s won over 30 music awards ranging from a Billboard Music Award to an armful of Grammys.

However, with all of the fame comes the miners of the Internet digging up dirt on the “Bad Guy” singer.

In June, an old video of Billie singing Tyler, the Creator’s song “Fish,” in which she mouthed an anti-Asian slur and was reportedly caught on camera imitating an Asian accent.

Many fans were upset with Billie over this resurfaced video and at the time of the incident, she took to Instagram to apologize to her fans.

In a lengthy note to fans Billie wrote, “I am appalled and embarrassed and want to barf that I ever mouthed along to that word.”

She also noted that she was 13 or 14 at the time this video was taken.

Her note continued, “This song was the only time I'd ever heard that word as it was never used around me by anyone in my family. Regardless of my ignorance and age at the time, nothing excuses the fact is that it was hurtful. And for that I am sorry."

As for the accusations she was making fun of an Asian accent, Billie said it was a “silly gibberish made up voice.”

“It is absolute gibberish and just me goofing around, and is in NO way an imitation of anyone or any language, accent, or culture in the SLIGHTEST. Regardless of how it was interpreted I did not mean for any of my actions to have caused hurt to others and it absolutely breaks my heart that it is being labeled now in a way that might cause pain to people hearing it," added the singer.

"I not only believe in, but have always worked hard to use my platform to fight for inclusion, kindness, tolerance, equity and equality," Billie wrote.

She ended her message with, "We all need to continue having conversations, listening and learning. I hear you and I love you. Thank you for taking the time to read this.”

It’s been weeks since this incident was making headlines, but Billie addressed it once again in a new interview with Vogue Australia.

Billie opened up about growing up in the public eye and how weird it all is.

“It's really weird how the world can see every aspect of your life and reminisce about [it]," she told the magazine. "The internet brings up things from everybody's past and I'm like: 'Don't you guys understand that everybody is incredibly embarrassed and ashamed about their past? Like, do you not think about the fact that maybe you're embarrassed of your past, so maybe everybody else is embarrassed, too?'"

Billie admitted that when she was younger she said “so many things” that she doesn’t agree with today.

"I said so many things then that I totally don't agree with now, or think the opposite thing," Billie admitted. "The weirdest thing is how nothing ever goes away once it's on the internet. Every interview I did when I was 15 is still out there, and I think about it constantly."

She revealed that there is one interview she is particularly mortified of.

"I did an interview where somebody said: 'What are you doing when you're not making music?' And I said: 'Even when I'm not making music, I'm making music.' And actually, Lil Wayne said that in an interview and I just saw it and said it, too. And it's not even true!," Billie admitted.

She continued, "When you're a f--king teenager, you don't really know yourself, so you're trying to figure yourself out," she noted. "That was the hardest thing for me: I didn't actually know how I really felt. So I just came up with this facade that I stuck to.”