A man went on Reddit to ask the masses whether he was the a-hole in his child-custody-pending-divorce legal battle with his wife.
The man offered a description of his battle:
He’s working to adopt his stepdaughter, 5, but wonders if he should just cancel the whole thing.
The reason? His wife just told him that she wants to file for divorce. He didn’t get into why she wants a divorce; just that it’s due to “personal issues.”
He says the daughter was the product of the wife’s ex-husband, who’s abusive to the wife.
He then apparently told his wife that he was afraid to adopt their daughter because 1. he’d have to pay child support, and 2. the ensuing divorce would shatter the family they’re trying to create.
When he told her all this, he says she had a panic attack and claims he’s just putting her back in control of her ex-husband.
So his question is: If he decides to stop this adoption process, knowing his wife plans to divorce him right after, would he be the a-hole?
Plenty of people weighed in. Many said he was not the a-hole (or NTA for short), because she showed her cards too early– meaning she laid out her plans for divorce, which would leave him with the daughter and all of those bills. (He says this whole thing is not about the money.)
According to one redditor:
“Agreed, it seems like she definitely jumped the gun and showed her hand a bit too early here. At this point, the only realistic thing to do is to stop the adoption process and start speaking to divorce attorneys, because if her plan was to divorce him after he adopted her kid all along, that says quite a lot about her. I understand she went thru a lot with the ex, but it’s simply not ok to just take advantage of someone for your own personal gain.”
Another commenter had some valid questions for the wife, and suggested financial gain was lurking in the shadows.
“IF shes so afraid of her ex, why is she leaving you? Why have you adopt her child as your own is she wants to leave? I really do feel like this has something to do with financial gain. Just because she says “no, its the not money” doesn’t mean shes telling the truth.”
This redditor is reminding everyone that the child is not technically his (hence the adoption process, but still…):
“NTA, logically, not your biological child.
Truthfully, an adoption is hard to do anyway not to mention time and money involved. And not just that but the mental and psychological toll it takes on a person navigating the court system to do an adoption.
Not to mention it seems almost as though your soon-to-be ex-wife just wants you to go through with the adoption for one of two reasons.
She just wants the child support money.
She may just want to offload a child she had created onto some one else she trusts more than the biological father of the child.
So far, it’s overwhelmingly in favor of this man not being the a-hole. Check out the reddit post to offer your own suggestions and a-hole rulings