Allison Holker Exposes tWitch's Hidden Painful Secrets In New Interview

In the aftermath of her husband Stephen 'tWitch' Boss's tragic passing in December 2022, Allison Holker has opened up about the painful truths she discovered while searching for answers in his journals.

Hoping to find clarity—and some semblance of closure—Allison Holker uncovered deeply buried struggles that even those closest to Stephen 'tWitch' Boss never knew.

In the months leading up to his death, Holker noticed subtle yet troubling changes in Boss's behavior—he was withdrawn, less focused on self-care, and smoking more frequently. Though he admitted to feeling low, she recalls that he was "very careful about his wording," shielding the full extent of his pain even from her.

"He was wrestling with a lot inside himself, and he was trying to self-medicate and cope with all those feelings because he didn't want to put it on anyone because he loved everyone so much," Holker told People Magazine in a new interview ahead of the release of her new memoir.

Among the heart-wrenching entries, Boss alluded to being sexually abused by a male figure during his childhood, a trauma he carried silently throughout his life. "He didn't want other people to take on his pain," she added.

While these revelations initially left Holker feeling a sense of betrayal, time has granted her a broader perspective. "Reading Stephen's journals, and even going back into the books he had read and the things that he was highlighting and lining, really gave me a better perspective of where he was in life and the type of things he was struggling with," she shared. "It did have me feel a lot of empathy towards him and sadness for all the pain that he was holding."

Holker's decision to share these intimate struggles comes from a place of deep purpose. She hopes her vulnerability might save even one person from suffering in silence. "It's hard to think that he never opened up to someone and wanted to face it, to get through on the other side. I really hope people dealing with the same thing will help themselves out of the shadows and [know] you're going to be okay."

In the wake of her husband's passing, Holker is channeling her grief into a mission to support others dealing with trauma and loss. She recently revealed plans to release a memoir titled "This Far: My Story of Love, Loss, and Embracing the Light," set to publish next month.

"I used to sit in my pool or my hot tub and talk to Stephen all the time [after he died]. I'd be angry with him, or happy with him, or just go over memories," Holker recalled. "One night when I was so angry, I forgave him, and I thought about how many people are probably waiting to have that moment that I just had."

That realization prompted her to return to her memoir, determined to create something that might guide others through their darkest hours. "I don't want people to feel when they read it that I'm being their therapist. I am not educated in that world, but I had this really traumatic thing happen in my life that only made me realize what I was already working on is really, really important for me to continue on."

Holker hopes her story will be a lifeline to those who feel alone in their struggles. "It gave me more of a focus and more of a purpose, and I really hope I can be an advocate and a voice to people that feel alone or left behind."

In December 2022, Stephen 'tWitch' Boss checked into an Oak Tree Inn, located less than a mile from his home in Los Angeles. Leaving his phone on airplane mode and his car at home, he took an Uber to the motel with a small bag and booked a single-night stay.

Hotel staff reported that Boss appeared calm and untroubled during check-in. However, when he failed to check out the following morning, staff discovered him deceased in his room from a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head.

Authorities later revealed that Boss had left a suicide note, referencing "past challenges." While the exact contents of the note remain private, it was a sobering confirmation of the silent battles he had been fighting.

Allison Holker's story is not just one of loss but of resilience, advocacy, and hope. Through her memoir and ongoing efforts to raise awareness about mental health, she is determined to ensure that others know they are not alone.

"If sharing Stephen's story can help even one person step out of the shadows and ask for help, then his legacy will continue to shine," she said.

In sharing her grief and her husband's hidden struggles, Holker hopes to honor tWitch's memory while shining a light on the importance of openness, healing, and connection.

If you or someone you know is dealing with mental health struggles or suicidal thoughts, contact 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline for help.