'Sister Wives' Kody Brown Reflects On Bond With Late Son, Garrison

Kody Brown has many regrets about his son's death, but the biggest is the relationship he could have had with Garrison.

The "Sister Wives" star recently addressed the 25-year-old's passing in an emotional interview, reflecting on their complicated bond and how he wished it had grown stronger before his death.

Garrison was the fourth of Kody's six children with his ex-wife, Janelle Brown. He welcomed 18 children with his ex-wives—Christine, Meri, and Janelle—and his current wife, Robyn Brown.

Although Garrison died from an apparent suicide six months ago, his death is still something Kody has been unable to wrap his head around. He confessed that his relationship with his late son "certainly could have been better," noting:

"We could have been talking more. I'd get texts, stuff like that, and we could have, retrospectively, we could have done so much more."

"And it was almost like — I'm busy with my life, he's busy with his life, and when we connect, we'll connect," Kody continued. He lamented the father-and-son relationship he could have had with Garrison, telling PEOPLE:

"It was kind of like, we've got forever. It was more like it was a convenience of time that I felt like I had. Retrospectively, there would've been more of a regular catching up and touching base."

Garrison's death changed Kody "irrevocably," with the heartbroken patriarch noting: "I can't get back to where I was. I can't reconcile that he's not here." He explained that he had been looking forward to his late son's future, admitting:

"You do have a little bit of an expectation — and especially with somebody who's got essentially a bright future. He was planning a future."

"He always wanted a story to tell, some adventure. He was always either cracking a joke or wanting to talk about an adventure," Kody recalled, noting that Garrison's death "still feels like a shock."

"The hard part is giving away that future that I saw for him, the excitement. It's strange having your child pass," Kody continued, stressing that the "wave of grief" was different from losing a relative or a best friend.

Kody shared why Garrison's loss was unlike any other, stating, "It's different in the idea that it's irreconcilable — the future that we missed with him." He doubled down on his "only regret" when reflecting on his son's death was the time they lost.

He wished he had taken "advantage of the time" he had with Garrison, noting they could have created more father and son memories. While thinking about a future he would never have, Kody said:

"I want to go out to dinner again. I want to sit down. I want to have a beer. I want him to try and make me laugh because he was kind of that way."

"The only regret is just, gosh, I would just do that more often. The only regret is that you didn't do something. You didn't take more time," Kody lamented. Before his confessions, Janelle had addressed their son's death in a candid interview.

Kody wasn't the only one shocked by Garrison's decision to end his life, with The Blast reporting that Janelle echoed similar sentiments. "We just had no idea that he was in that place," she lamented.

Janelle noted that Garrison's "substance abuse" likely influenced his state of mind before his death. However, he seemed fine on the outside, with the heartbroken mother claiming that "he didn't ever express any kind of extreme sad feelings."

"In fact, he was very funny, very upbeat. He had a career path that he was excited about. He had a life, he had friends," Janelle recalled. She noted Garrison had adopted another cat and was "really excited" about his career prospects.

Janelle shared that mental health check-ins had become a crucial part of the Brown family after Garrison's death. "We're very real, and we assess," she revealed, adding:

"Life situations come up, and we're always like, 'Okay, so what about mental health?' We actually say the words, and we wait to hear what's really happening, not just kind of gloss over it."

"I think we're definitely putting more stock in mental health in our family," Janelle continued. She stressed that her family had done everything they could for Garrison during his life; unfortunately, he took a different path.

Will Garrison's death influence more changes within the Brown family? Season 19 of TLC's "Sister Wives" may have the answer once it debuts on Sunday, September 15.