Reddit Wars: No Bachelor Party For You! Is Redditor's Wife Being Unreasonable?

If your significant other told you that you couldn't attend a lifelong friend's bachelor or bachelorette party, how would you react?

Reddit user 1260nogginshared his story with the social media platform and in just a few days, received nearly 5,000 responses.

"My best friend I played competitive soccer with from the age of 10, all the way through high school is getting married to his high school sweetheart (finally after 10 years lol). My best friend and I chose the same college to play soccer at, and went to college for 4 years together. This isn’t like oh hey a friend I knew in high school… we regularly hang out and talk, he’s basically part of my family."

He goes on to explain that another mutual friend is a very successful GM who opens night clubs and bars and the bachelor party will be in one of his locations in Salt Lake City. He also said that other high school and college soccer college teammates will be meeting up for the wedding, which will be held in Kansas City.

"My wife doesn’t want me going because, 'no.' I’ve asked several times why she’s so opposed to it, and she said 'because I don’t want you to.' Meanwhile, she’s going to a mermaid themed bachelorette party at the end of the month in Florida for someone’s she’s know for 4 weeks. She finally said 'I don’t trust your friends.' And I simply said you’ve never met them… she said 'yeah and idk how they are so I don’t want you hanging out with them.'

He went on to say that his friends are husbands and dads and not "beer chugging frat boys." He asked Reddit if he's overacting to her response, and many had something to say.

"Tbh even giving 'because I don’t want you to' as a reason and expecting it to be the end of the conversation (in this context, at least) seems really unreasonable. As in, I wouldn’t accept that from my SO and I don’t think I would say it to them and expect it to be obeyed either without any type of discussion. I guess I can understand feeling uneasy about not knowing the type of people your SO’s friends are, but at the same time, if you trust your SO and trust them to be a good judge of character then you shouldn’t assume that their friends are ‘dangerous’ to hang out with so to speak…especially if you yourself are taking trips with people you’ve known for way less time."

~gogogirl1616

"Is this the first time you've had an issue like this? My guess us you guys have bigger issues (perhaps brewing) in the relationship regarding attention and control. If out of blue for her character. Something else us going on (maybe a friend of hers got cheated on and set an irrational fear).

Either way the fact that this is even an issue is a problem and you two need to communicate to identify what her underlying issue is or if you have a bigger issue to navigate."

~WonderChopstix

WonderChopstix

u/WonderChopstix

Oct 6, 2019

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"You deserve to go and celebrate your friend. If she has so little trust about you then that speaks to more serious issues with her or your marriage."

~blipsman

"I'm sorry, but you're married and your wife has never met your friends? You've been friends with these people since childhood, you're in one of their weddings, and your WIFE has not met them? Does nobody else think that's odd? I think she's right to have some doubt but it looks like you need to take a hard look at your own marriage, my guy."

~PixieStyx8

"You are not over reacting but under reacting. It doesn’t sound like you have an equal, balanced, adult relationship. Apart from her applying an irrational double strandard I don’t believe that you can have a healthy relationship if you try to limit your partner’s life in this way.

This is your best friend in a (hopefully) once in a lifetime situation. And your wife is trying to force you to choose between him and her - for no reason at all.

Not going will surely affect your relationship with your friend. Especially as you have no good reason not go apart from an over controlling wife. So it’s very clear to your friend how much more you value your wife than your friend. Everyone knows that when you get older family comes first. But being there for a friend to celebrate a huge milestone in their life is far from an unreasonable ask.

Why would you let your wife force you into such an unreasonable choice?"

~TimJoyce

"Okay let me address something: Your wife is fully able to tell you her feelings about it and express whether or not she wants you to go. What she does not get to do is make that choice for you. You don't need permission. You're a grown up. This idea that our spouses "let" is do things is unhealthy and outdated. Tell her you're going, because this is your friend and he asked you to. She doesn't have to like it but she does need to accept it. Jim said she'd have a big problem if you told her she can't go to her bachelorette party."

~sweetmercy

"No you aren't over reacting. This is actually extremely unreasonable of her and sounds abusive. She's trying to isolate you from your friend/potential support group. It's a huge red flag. Shes allowed to go to a stripper filled Bachelorette party. It sounds like she knows the type of shit her and her friends get up to at those things and don't want you to be doing the same thing because it would probably count as cheating in her eyes. If I were in your shoes I would tell her I was going, not asking. First time she tries harassing you during the party to try to keep tabs on you I would turn off the phone."

~SilentJoe1986