Reddit Wars: Telltale Signs You're Dealing With A Narcissist

The word "narcissist" gets thrown around a lot. But do you know the real signs that you are dealing with a narcissist? Whether it's a significant other, parent, boss, or friend, it's essential to be able to know if you are dealing with typical narcissistic behavior so you don't drive yourself crazy with their gaslighting, love bombing, and projecting.

Tons of Reddit users shared their views on narcissism, the signs you are dealing with a narcissist, and their personal stories of how they've handled a narcissist in their lives in a thread named "What's a telltale sign you're dealing with a narcissist?"

"The most significant telltale sign is they never take responsibility for what they did wrong if they hurt you. Most of them come from a place of being hurt, so when they, hurt or wrong other people, they're reminded of how they are like the people who wronged them. A narcissist puts on a false image that is anything but the hurt child who lives in perpetual self-loathing and toxic shame. When they wrong other people, they're reminded of the hurt child and how now they're like the people who hurt them. This triggers a massive shame response, which they do anything to avoid. Of course, if you can't feel shame for something you did wrong, you can't improve. Shame isn't bad; it's when it's perpetual and overwhelming that it becomes toxic.

Narcissists will never admit they've done anything wrong, or will have to confront that inner child and face the fact that they're like the people who hurt them. That is the ultimate state of shame. Hence, they won't ever take responsibility for their wrongdoings."

~Openmemories99

"They don't do guilt the way other people do. When they do something wrong, they usually project it onto someone else—and they believe the projection. An accusation from a narcissist is a confession."

~icanttho

"When nothing is their fault. Small things, big things…they are ALWAYS the victim."

~HappySoprano318

"In every story they tell, they are either the hero or a victim. There is no other narrative."

~newwriter365

newwriter365

u/newwriter365

Apr 11, 2016

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"Narcissists are traumatized five-year-olds driving around adult bodies. Anything that can set off a five-year-old will set them off. Covert Narcs are the scariest. They'll do detective work with all your friends, trading gossip every conversation."

~mdotca

"Lack of empathy, need for attention, reacting negativity on criticism, taking advantage of others, arrogance, gaslighting, sense of superiority, constant need of control, constant need of admiration, etc."

~sleepy-panda521

"My older brother single-handedly tore my family apart before many of us began coming back together without him. He tended to go 'nuclear' over minor things. He referred to himself as a god, would dictate how others acted and spoke to and around him; he controlled what friendships we all could have, and he would ensure every fault he had was a fault of one of us siblings or our parents. His anger, left unchecked, regularly ended violently. He would degrade everyone around him, often disguising it as valuable and important feedback everyone needed to hear and that it was his imminent calling to tell others these things. He claimed to be emotionless & objective on all fronts that,t any argument against him was one of subjective emotions, and that only he could decide what was objective truth and reality. He abused every single person around him to until we all left him. His wife left him, his son is trying to leave him, our parents want nothing to do with him 5 out of the 7 of us siblings have completely cut him out of our lives."

~BeardGoneBad

"They're incredibly insecure, but they hide behind a (very thin) smokescreen of confidence. They can't say anything nice or positive about anyone that might be in a higher position than them. They have to tear others down to feel good about themselves.

I just started a job working with one, but I'm using the gray rock technique and it's worked wonders on my mental health. Don't rise to the bait, give short answers, and don't argue with them, even if you know for an absolute fact they're wrong. They lose interest and find a new target if you don't give them anything to pick at."

~knittybitty123

"A telltale sign you're dealing with a narcissist is that they will be excessively self-focused and self-absorbed. They will often talk about themselves, their accomplishments, and their successes, and will be unwilling to listen to the successes and accomplishments of others. They will also expect to be praised and admired, and will become defensive and hostile if they don't receive the attention they feel they deserve."

~dbunkapp

"My current wife is a narcissist.

She got me with the love bombing, cooking for me (she's an awesome cook), acting obsessive like I was the best thing that ever happened to her. This act went on until we had a kid, got married, and moved in together. She got me good.

Now, I'm 'constantly cheating on her' (most likely projection since that's just not true), and if she ever does anything wrong it's always my fault. I'm aware of what I've gotten myself into. I just wish I would've understood what was going on from the beginning. Every instinct I had was to run like hell because it all felt too good to be true in the beginning. My gut feeling was right."

~ElGuapoBurro