Penn Badgley Admits He Was 'Certainly In Despair' During 'Gossip Girl' Years

Penn Badgley’s “Gossip Girl” years were not as amazing as they looked on the outside.

The “You” actor recently sat down with Varietyand opened up about his career over the last two decades.

Badgley first got into acting at the age of 12 years old and by his 20s, he was one of the HOTTEST actors on one of the HOTTEST shows with one of the HOTTEST girlfriends.

The actor played the role of “Dan” on the CW’s “Gossip Girl” series. During this time, he was romantically involved with Blake Lively.

They dated for three years but eventually called it quits in 2008.

While most young celebrity love stories have a messy ending, Badgley looks back fondly on his relationship with Lively.

He even said she “saved me” from going down a road of alcohol and substance abuse.

Towards the end of ‘GG’s’ run, the Netflix star said, “I didn’t want to be in television. I was biding time a lot with Dan… I was not invested. And I’m not saying it’s a good thing! I’m saying it’s just what it was.”

Badgley admitted he looks back on his ‘GG’ years “two ways.”

One way is “fun and fast-paced.” He described the other way as a“dark undercurrent that would bottom out in my later 20s.”

The interviewer followed up by asking if his “darkness” involved substance abuse, to which Badgley waved him off.

“To be honest, I never struggled with substance,” Badgley admitted. “Blake didn’t drink, and I think our relationship in some ways saved me from forcing myself to go down that road.”

Rather than partaking in harmful activities, Badgley traveled, explored Buddhism, and meditated.

He explained, “Like anybody who experiences some degree of fame and wealth, I was presented with the universal truth that not only does it not make your life better or easier, it actually can greatly complicate things, and make you quite unhappy.”

Badgley admitted he felt isolated and wasn’t sure who he could trust.

“I was never anything that I would define as suicidal at all, but I was certainly in a despair,” he noted. “It had to do with ‘Do I matter? Do I matter? Does anything matter?’ These questions do inform how we feel. The answer that I came upon was ‘Yes.’ I think we all have to come to that. I don’t know how you could come to ‘No’ and be happy, so we all have to come to that ‘Yes’ somehow. Probably repeatedly.”

The “Easy A” actor currently reprised his role as the murderous “Joe Goldberg” on season four of “You.”

The first installment of S4 episodes was released on February 9th. The second batch of episodes will be released on March 9th.

According to Pop Base, his ex-wife, “Love Quinn,” will return in part 2 of “You.”

Fans of the show know his character, “Joe,” partook in lots of sex scenes in past seasons; however, this season is different.

Badgley serves as a producer on this season of “You” and requested sex scenes be kept to a minimum out of respect for his marriage to Domino Kirke-Badgley.

“It’s not a place where I’ve blurred lines,” he says. “There’s almost nothing I could say with more consecration. That aspect of Hollywood has always been very disturbing to me — and that aspect of the job, that mercurial boundary — has always been something that I actually don’t want to play with at all.”