NBA Star John Wall Opens Up About Being In A Dark Place: 'I'm Still Here'

As John Wall is gearing up for another NBA season to begin, he's reflecting on the past few years of his life in an article he wrote for The Players' Tribune. In the article titled, "I'm Still Here" Wall opens up about the depression that had him thinking about taking his own life.

"That's a hard thing to tell the world. But if you can say one thing about me, it's that I've always been real, and that's not going to change today. I can't sugarcoat it," he said. "The truth is...two years ago, I was in a really dark place and I just couldn't see a way out. And I know that probably sounds crazy to some people." He continued by explaining that he knew what kind of comments he would get if people knew how he was feeling, "'Bro, how the hell can you have all that money and be depressed? You're John Wall.'"

The NBA star further explained that he's experienced many "ups and downs" in his life. "From a skinny little kid growing up in Section 8 in Raleigh to the No. 1 pick - all the ups and downs and the sh*t I've seen? I know exactly who I am, and what I represent, and how many people need to hear this," he said. "So I'm not afraid to tell you that I've been in a place that was so dark that suicide felt like the only option."

In a matter of just three years, Wall went from "being on top of the world" to almost losing it all. "In 2017, I'm jumping up on the announcer's table in D.C. after forcing Game 7 against Boston, and I'm the king of the city. I'm getting a max extension, thinking I'm a Wizard for life," he said. "A year later, I tore my Achilles and lost the only sanctuary I've ever known - the game of basketball. I ended up with such a bad infection from the surgeries that I nearly had to have my foot amputated. A year later, I lost my best friend in the whole world, my mom, to breast cancer."

Everything changed when his mom got sick. Watching her go through all she had to endure was tough for Wall, and then things got even more difficult when she died. "She was fighting like hell, and for a while, she was doing really good. She even came to my 29th birthday party. But looking back, that was like our final goodbye," he recalled. "A few weeks after, she had a stroke, and her whole left side was paralyzed."

While playing in Charlotte a few weeks later, Wall got the call that changed everything. "Bro...your mom died. But the doctors were able to bring her back, and she's on a ventilator. You need to get here now," he said. "We got to the team hotel, and I just snapped. I smashed everything in that Ritz Carlton - the TV, the mirror, everything."

The NBA player explained that what hurt the most was picking up the phone to call his mom but realizing that she's not there. For a while, he would call and listen to her voicemail six or seven times a day. "That was when I started going to a really dark place," he said. "The thoughts would be playing in my head like...'my best friend is gone. I can't play the game I love. Everybody just got their hand out. Nobody is checking on me for me. It's always coming with something attached. Who's there to hold me down now? What's the point of being here?'"

One night while alone with his thoughts, Wall came close to ending his life. "Only by the grace of God, and the love of my sons, am I still here to tell my story," he said. "The one thing I always held on to, in the darkest of times, was the thought of my boys - just the little things, like wanting to be around for their first day of school, or their first vacation. Or wanting them to see their dad play in an NBA game for real, and not just on some highlights from back in the day. Those thoughts held me down during a lot of hard nights." And after his mom visited him in a dream one night, Wall knew it was time to get help. "It took a while, but I eventually reached out to somebody in my circle and said the most important words you can say...'Yo! I need some f***ing help!' Those six words changed my life."