Colton Haynes Opens Up About The Most Devastating Moments In His Life

"Arrow" star Colton Haynes has been in Hollywood for a while now and has faced his fair share of obstacles within the entertainment industry. The actor has also faced some demons of his own: from drug abuse to eating disorders. Through it all, Haynes has been able to come out stronger and better. 

He recently opened up about writing a memoir that "nearly killed him." The memoir, to be released on May 31, explores all the challenges he has gone through in his life and career. He also explained that he'd be transparent as they come, as he had no secret to hide. Read on for more details about his upcoming memoir.

While speaking to People about his memoir, he explained that writing the memoir "nearly killed" him as he had to be truthful to himself as he wrote.

"I know today I'm only as sick as my secrets. I needed to rid myself of the things I've held onto for so long," he added.

With the publication of his memoir, "Miss Memory Lane," it'd appear that he doesn't have any left.

Growing up, the "Arrow" star admitted that delusion was his first drug, and at the time, he had dreams of becoming the first male Kate Moss.

"Once I knew something was going to get me the attention that I wanted, there was nothing holding me back from using my body, or doing whatever I could to help me get that love I needed."

He attended classes in his high school during the day; at night, he worked in a gay bar.

Haynes later tried to sign with a modeling agency where he had to go extra lengths to pretend he was taller.

"I duct-taped underwear into little rolls and stuffed them into boots too big for me. I just wanted to be what everyone else wanted me to be."

Although he couldn't do the runways, he appeared on several Abercrombie and Fitch catalogs.

He then turned to acting following his short stint on the reality show "The Hills" as a model.

Haynes started to audition and take acting classes. He recalled being told that his mannerisms and voice sounded "too gay." He'd put a Post-It below his tongue to "fix his lisp" and go for movement classes to mitigate the effect.

Haynes was eventually cast on "Teen Wolf" and later "Arrow." While the roles in the two series catapulted him to fame, he was constantly advised by agents and managers not to come out as gay.

He later developed an addiction to Xanax and Adderall and had to leave "Arrow" in its third season, stepping away to focus on his well-being.

"I asked to step away because I cared more about my mental and physical health than my career at the time," he said per Entertainment Weekly "I've had terminal anxiety my entire life. Physically ill, fainting. I'm 27 years old, and I have an ulcer. I had to step back."

Two years after he departed the series, the actor overdosed on Xanax, Oxycontin, and Tequila and woke up in a Los Angeles hospital.

"I had tubes coming out of every hole in my body. I couldn't see out of my left eye," he added.

He later acknowledged to People that it was an attempted suicide: "My mother had died [earlier that year] from alcoholism. My dad had killed himself with Oxycontin. I had set out not to be anything like my parents."

In an interview with EW, the former "Teen Wolf" star addressed his sexual orientation for the first time, officially coming out as a gay man.

This was following the speculations in January following a Tumblr post about his "secret gay life." He responded, "Was it a secret? Let's all just enjoy life & have no regrets."

He mentioned to EW that the post took him by surprise as he wasn't ready to be out at that time. He also later added that he didn't give much thought to the reply because he didn't feel like he owed anyone anything.

"I think in due time, everyone has to make those decisions when they're ready, and I wasn't yet," he added.

After publicly coming out as gay, Haynes confessed that his acting roles and endorsement deals shriveled up.

"I am offered only roles like the 'gay best friend' today," he said. "The only thing I was offered after I came out was to be the face of [the queer hookup app] Grindr."

He later got romantically involved with florist Jeff Leatham whom he married in 2017 and divorced six months later.