Billie Eilish Opens Up On All That's Changed Since She Became Famous

In a recent interview, the singer and songwriter Billie Eilish, wore her heart on her sleeves and divulged the downsides of international fame.

The "Bury A Friend" singer told V magazine that little has changed since she rose to the spotlight from her debut single, "Ocean Eyes." This is largely thanks to her childhood home, which hasn't changed in years. The singer and her brother, Finneas, were raised in the suburbs of Highland Park and were homeschooled by their parents.

"There's no sign that a famous person exists within 200 feet of this area. I mean, it's really funny. I have to remind myself what my life actually is to the outside world, because I just forget sometimes. My life really, honestly feels the same as it did when I was a child," she told V. "Except that I don't have any friends."

Eilish concluded, "I mean, besides the people that I work with, who are absolutely my friends — they're actually my best friends."

The singer recalled a time in her career when her fame scared her and prevented her from going out in public. At the time, she had terrible nightmares, which terrified her so much that she felt uncomfortable with being seen in public.

"I was having a lot of really, really unbelievably terrible nightmares," Eilish said and added that she began to use a meditation app to help her sleep.

"I was having weird sleep paralysis. It was just not a good period for my brain. I couldn't sleep. I would go to bed at like four in the morning and wake up at one in the afternoon," Eilish recalled. "And I would listen to that meditation app every single time I needed to take a breath and not think about the horrors that were going on in my mind."

She also spoke about her experience after returning from her "Where's My Mind" tour in 2018.

"I've never been so scared. It was like a huge stampede." She continued, "From that day on, I didn't go anywhere. I didn't do anything. I was so flipped out by what had happened and how powerless I felt."

Even with the scare, the singer admitted not having enough resources to hire security.

"I was the level of fame that needs security, but also the level of fame where you don't really have the resources," Eilish explained.

In the same interview with V magazine, she divulged her past mental health struggles and self-harm tendencies which she suffered in the previous years. The singer, who was seventeen at the time, believed age thirteen was when "the depression started."

"It sent me down a hole," she said to the publication. "I went through a whole self-harming phase — we don't have to go into it. But the gist of it was, I felt like I deserved to be in pain. It's funny. When anyone else thinks about Billie Eilish at 14, they think of all the good things that happened. But all I can think of is how miserable I was. How completely distraught and confused. Thirteen to 16 was pretty rough."

She also added that she felt uncomfortable wearing "tiny clothes while she partook in dance lessons."

Elsewhere in the interview, the singer expressed that she was now better in terms of her mental health. 

The "No Time To Die" hit singer shared that it was a great privilege and a massive dream to write the 007 theme song.

"It's such an enormous honor to be a part of the small group of people that have been involved in the musical aspect of the Bond franchise. It's a huge dream that my brother and I have been dreaming about for as long as I can remember." The song is up for Best Original Song nod at the Academy Awards on March 27.

Eilish, Kanye West, and Harry Styles will headline this year's Coachella in Los Angeles.

The festival, which holds from April 15 to April 17 and April 22 to April 24, will also see the Swedish House Mafia returning to the Empire Polo Ground desert. It's unclear whether they are headliners and when they'll be set to perform.

Initially, the music festival was set in April 2020 with headliners Frank Ocean, Travis Scott, and Rage Against the Machine.

However, the organizers have had to reschedule it three times due to the pandemic.