It seems as though even the most famous and influential figures were still largely humanized like the rest of us during the worst of COVID-19 lockdowns, and Zendaya is one of many to get candid about how being out of work affected her personally.
The actress is February’s GQ cover star, and in talks with the publication she shared how quarantine measures left her questioning her “purpose” and “value” when finding ways to occupy herself were fewer more and far apart than ever.
The 24-year-old star shared that the major pause in her otherwise busy schedule due to lockdowns led her down a dark spiral.
“I feel most like myself when I’m working. I felt like, when I wasn’t working, my powers had gone away, and I was like, ‘Who the f**k [am I?]'” she shared with the publication. “I didn’t really know who I was and what makes me happy. ‘What do I like to do? What else do I do? What is my value? What is my purpose now?'”
“Very Scary Thing’
On the unprecedented amount of time off she had, Zendaya claims the void is a “scary” thing to gripe with, especially when there’s not much you can do to change it.
“It was my first time just being like, ‘OK, who am I without this?’ Which is a very scary thing to confront and work through, because I don’t really know Zendaya outside of the Zendaya who works,” she added. “I didn’t realize how much my job and my art were a part of my identity as a human.”
On Her Personality
Acting is a core part of Zendaya’s life, and the inability to do so for the majority of 2020 left her questioning many aspects of herself, including her personality.
“In this industry, I had to learn how to do small talk and stuff, because I guess I would kind of come off cold to people because I didn’t really know how to start conversation,” the star said. “I remember my stylist was like, ‘You come off kind of cold. People think you’re mean because you don’t talk,’ when really I just was too nervous.”
Proving Something To Herself
Despite all the trials and tribulations recent times have brought, Zendaya is eternally grateful to fans who have made her into the star that she is today. Speaking on the success of her starring role in the hit show “Euphoria,” she said she is happy to receive recognition for the project.
“In a lot of ways it feels like proving something to myself personally, yeah, but I feel like, I feel good about it for all of us,” she explained. “It feels like recognition that maybe we aren’t just like that little crazy show with the crazy kids, you know what I mean? To me, it’s like ‘Mean Girls,’ when [Lindsay Lohan] breaks the crown. She’s like, ‘This is for you.'”