Amanda Kloots has decided to open up about the emotional trauma she has endured while navigating this holiday season after the death of her husband, Broadway star Nick Cordero.
Taking to social media, the personality and brand owner discussed how difficult New Years has been this year without her husband by her side, touching on how she “can’t forget” 2020 no matter how hard she tries. Furthermore, she said she is finally willing to seek professional help to unpack the feelings behind the tragic loss.
“New Years has been tough, extremely hard for me. I’ve cried more recently than in awhile. I thought Christmas would be hard, this was worse,” the influencer shared to her fans via an Instagram story.
Kloots said that despite how hard she tries, she can’t seem to wipe the slate clean and begin anew in 2021 due to how much trauma she had to endure throughout the last year, touching on how scared she is of her present feelings and how they may manifest in the future.
No Clean Slate
“I think it’s because when the new year comes you want a clean slate or to forget about last year, esp 2020. But, I can’t forget about last year and will not be able to wipe that slate clean,” she said very adamantly about the way she is processing the tragic loss of Cordero.
Kloots has made it clear that despite dealing with it all she is ready to address the “trauma” head-on, telling fans she will be seeking out therapy.
“I also think I am slightly scared of what can happen in a year, how much things can change. Lastly, I think everything I went through is finally catching up to me and I am finally ready to go to therapy to address the trauma,” she wrote in the story post.
Cordero, the star of famous plays such as “Waitress,” “Bullets Over Broadway,” and “A Bronx Tale,” died in July 2020 after a long battle with complications stemming from him contracting COVID-19.
‘Honesty About Grief And Loss’
Kloots, who has been very open about the tragic situation ever since Cordero was admitted to the hospital, concluded her post by writing, “I share all of this as my continued honesty about grief and loss. How it ebbs and flows, changes a lot. How it hides and then finds you. How it’s a journey, not just a week. How it’s continued struggle even as I stay positive and active. How you can cry some days for two seconds or two hours. How it makes you feel so lonely and confused.”
“Being honest, acknowledging all of this instead of hiding it, has helped me. I hope it helps you,” she ended with.