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North West (the real one) strikes a pose for her family's 2018 Christmas card.

Nori's Black Book: A North West Parody Account (You'll LOL @ 4 Dayz)

Kim Kardashian West | Facebook
By Alyssa McCraw

North West: The child, the myth, the legend.

No, for real. Hopefully, you already know that Kim Kardashian and Kanye West's six-year-old daughter is iconic (for many reasons). What you might not know is that one of these reasons is the fact that she already has her own parody account - one that's been around since she was at least nine months old.

"Nori's Black Book" is just what it sounds like. It's a collection of North West's pseudo-thoughts as a boss baby running her portion of the family's empire. The Fauxdashian social account is followed by both Kris Jenner and Khloé Kardashian on Instagram, so we know it has the fam's approval.

And we're so glad it does, because - if you're a Kardashian fan - we attest that our headlined-promised is true: you will be LOLing for days.

Related to what you're reading:

"My mom's a superstar all from a home movie."

North West is all style and no smiles during a beach day with auntie Kourtney Kardashian.
Kourtney Kardashian | Instagram

The above caption is the verbiage in all of "North's" social profiles. With almost 30k followers on Twitter, 700k on Insta, and an equally-huge following on Tumblr, the only thing known about the almost-entirely anonymous accountholder is that it is a woman living in a California. She uses the pseudonym "Bianca" when meeting men in a bars, so that's what we'll roll with for now.

Bianca was inspired when she found a Tumblr account called "Suri's Burn Book," which is written from the viewpoint of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' daughter. The would-be creator of "Nori's" iteration had a major spark when she saw Suri Cruise wearing clothes from the Babies 'R' Us x Kardashians collaboration line.

"North is probably so pissed off," Bianca said to herself. "Why isn't this child in Balmain or Prada?"

Nori Finds Her Voice

North West appears with mom Kim Kardashian-West for Kanye West's 'Sunday Service' at D.C. Howard University's 2019 homecoming.
Katie Kyros | Twitter

And thus, North became Nori. It was now time to finalize Nori's tone - so "Bianca" took fiery elements of her own personality and mixed them with that of KimYe.

"Kim is very rude to her family and Kanye has a huge ego, so I put that into North's voice," Bianca explained. "I wanted to make sure she had this huge ego and was rude to her family."

And it's safe to say that Bianca absolutely nailed, like, every aspect of her character development work. Here are just a few of our fav Nori stories you're sure to enjoy.

Nori Takes the Stage

North West performs a cover song from a fellow child star on stage at her father Kanye West's 'Yeezy Season 8' runway show at Paris Fashion Week 2020.
Gettyimages | Arnold Jerocki

Recently (irl), North West lip-synced an original song at a school function and proud dad Kanye West was there to watch. Then, our girl Nori shared the performance clip and told us what really went down - even threatening to leave Kanye's DadYe's GOOD Music record operation for Drake's OVO Sound if things went south west.

"I had an impromptu listening party during an event at school. The DJ canceled and I just happened to have a copy of my new single with me (I never leave home without it). I wrote and produced the track, so I'm quite proud of it. I'm still working on the choreography, but I think the song received a great reception. DadYe kept telling me to yell 'Praise Jesus' and that's just not the vibe this song is on, so I respectfully ignored him. I'm not sure when GOOD Music will release my album, but I'm not going to let what happened to Teyana Taylor's album roll out happen to my project. I will gladly take every single bop I have to OVO Sound if need be."


Nori on Penelope Disick and Sofia Richie: "I'm telling my kids this is Sofia."

Penelope Disick, posted up in her carseat, is posh and rainbow-like.
Nori's Blackbook | Twitter

Another of Nori's notorious storylines is that of people confusing her 7-year-old cousin Penelope Disick with that of Penelope's dad Scott Disick's girlfriend, 21-year-old Sofia Richie.

"We have made the difficult decision to not renew Sofia’s contract for KUWTK. The reason being that viewers weren’t able to tell Sofia and Penelope apart. She also wasn’t fitting into the 'Will Scott and Kourtney get back together' storyline that we do every season. I wish her all the luck with her “acting” career. I can totally see her winning a @nickelodeon Kid’s Choice Award one day. I’m working with our writers on how to gracefully write her out of the show. I’ve pitched an episode called, 'Sofia Goes to College'. (via @hollywoodunlocked)"


Nori Posts a 'Keeping Up' Casting Call

Nori's Black Book tweets a casting call:  "We will be recasting the role of "Jordyn Woods" for the upcoming season of KUWTK.  Must be African-American, 5'6, a gap between the front teeth, and must be slightly insecure.  Please DM headshots."
Nori's Black Book | Instagram

After TMZ broke the news of the Tristan Thompson/Jordyn Woods cheating scandal, Nori was the first on the scene.

"We will be recasting the role of 'Jordyn Woods' for the upcoming season of KUWTK. Must be African-American, 5'6, a gap between the front teeth, and must be slightly insecure. Please DM headshots."

Additionally, Nori informed her public that "@kyliecosmetics will be having a flash sale on the Kylie x Jordyn Collection. All products buy 1 get 10 FREE! Everything must go! Use the code 'issawrap' for free shipping."

Nori Steals Kim's Quarantine Pic, Provides an Update on 'Her' Situation

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West quarantine in their family movie room in March 2020.
Kim Kardashian West | Twitter

Nori has done really well with fan engagement during these scary, unprecedented times.

"Hey guys! Just want to update you on how we're doing with social distancing. The children tested negative for the COVID-19, so I let them back in the common spaces of the home 3 days after I found out the test results. I'm happy that our family is healthy and together. I want to encourage all of you to stay home. I almost had a mental breakdown when my sauna broke the same day I found out that Nobu is completely closed and not even taking to-go orders. So I get it. Life is hard for everyone right now, but we need to practice social distancing to keep everyone safe. Just make sure you stay occupied, keep yourself in shape mentally and physically, and buy SKIMS."

Look at how big baby Psalm is getting! And look at this epic mother/"daughter" correspondence following his birth last year:

"Perfect? He's not even trending. This is unheard for us. I hate to hit the PR panic button, but we need to release the name and release it now!"

Nori's Personal Assistants: "The Malikas"

Malika Haaq and twin sister Khadijah Haqq show off Malika's newborn son, Ace Flores; March 2020.
Nori's Black Book | Facebook

Meet the Malikas: Nori's most faithful, longtime employee(s). She made sure to congratulate the Malika who had the baby a fews ago, but then it was back to business.

"Guess who I got to meet today! During our video conference call The Malikas let me meet the new baby. He is such a doll. Still not sure which one had him, so I just congratulated both of them. I wish he could've stayed the entire meeting but I needed the Malikas hands free so they can take notes, brief me on this week's schedule, and explain to me why I'm still getting emails about DASH."

Nori's Statement on COVID-19

Nori's Black Book shares a statement on the empire temporarily closing for business due to the COVID-19 crisis.
Nori's Black Book | Instagram

And lastly, we will leave you with this very poignant statement from Nori regarding the pandemic's effect on her business. Sadly, she was forced to temporarily halt its day-to-day operations and arrange for unconventional pet care via her aforementioned assistants.

"A long time ago my impoverished cousin Dream taught me that true wealth is your health. Therefore, I have decided for the safety of myself and other I will be practicing social distancing."

"This means I have cancelled my appearances at Sunday Service, postponed my meetings with Kris, and I am having all the children removed from the home."

"My staff's health and safety are my top priority, so I have allowed the Malikas to work remote for the duration of the month. They will be walking Sushi via Skype."

"Now more than ever we all need to do our part by washing our hands, staying at home if sick, and buying KKW Beauty. Please stay safe and healthy."

"XO North."

But if you read the update she provided with the family photo two cards up, you know things are starting to look up.

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