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'90 Day Fiance' Star Ashley Martson Reveals She Still Loves Jay Smith In Emotional Post

Gettyimages | John Lamparski
By Clark Sparky

"90 Day Fiance" stars Ashley Martson and Jay Smith have had an incredibly up-and-down relationship since falling in love on the show. They have gone through multiple breakups and are currently not together.

Still, Martson says that she loves Smith. She revealed as much in a long Instagram post shared on Sunday.

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"Verified This is as raw and real as I can be. I’m fighting the tears just typing this. This year has been tough. This photo was taken accidentally the night of my birthday party in New York City. We had just split and I filed for divorce for the second time. The tabloids attacked me at my events all week about my failed marriage. He showed up to my party, unannounced," she said in a selfie of her crying.

"We were civil and had an appearance the next day so it was okay. He said Happy Birthday. He had drinks and hung out with his friends. As I walked out the door and got in the Uber with @ritzy_rina I just lost it. The tears came pouring out. It was the moment I knew... I knew I failed. I failed my marriage, myself, my children. My heart was broken into a million pieces and the walls completely caved in around me. Everything I kept bottled in poured out of my eyes in the back of this Uber," Martson continued.

Gettyimages | John Lamparski

"My best friend, who is a true best friend, didn’t even ask. She just began crying as well. She saw me hurt for so long and try and act like I was okay even though she knew I wasn’t okay. She felt my pain and we both just cried. The whole ride to our hotel. I never felt a hurt like this in my life. Ever. I’m not blaming all this on him. That’s not why I’m posting this. I just want men and women to both know it’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to cry it out. It’s okay to not be strong all the time. It’s okay to fail. Whats not okay is to let it destroy you. You can, and you will, get back up and begin to pick up the pieces."

That's when she made the big reveal: "To this day I still hurt. I still love him. I just have come to terms with the fact it’s over and I’m gonna be okay," she said.

"So all of you who are struggling please know these feelings are temporary and you will get back to yourself. Time truly does heal wounds. There is no more Ashley and Jay. I’m leaving this post with the final time I speak on us or our marriage."

After giving their relationship yet another shot earlier this year, they split back in October in what seems to be the final time.

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